there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
