Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
