You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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