i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
