we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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