Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize