i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
