TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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