Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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