erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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