Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
