do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
operation harelip BJ is a go
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
