Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Randomize
