He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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