dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
