Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
