If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Go christen that room with your naked body.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
