that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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