All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
