We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
