I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
