Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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