The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
