i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
