Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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