Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I love you.
Bad choice
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
