Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
