Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
