just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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