ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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