I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
