Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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