It's Friday. Sex?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
