you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
