His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm at about main and main street
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
