I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
