I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
