And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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