I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
