Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
