i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
