You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
