he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
No more Irish car bombs ever.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
