Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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