I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
