Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
