Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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