He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I did not marry a roomba.
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