Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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