Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
