I smell stomach acid.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
PS: I just woke up from my shower
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize