Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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