i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
