The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
