well I can't set my house on fire every night
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
