Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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