I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
