Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
