Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
