9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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