if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
