let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
