I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
