I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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