I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
