i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
