yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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