Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize